Aspects
of Islamic Etiquette
By
Abdur-Rahman A. Al-Sheeha
P.O. Box 59565, Riyadh 11535, Saudi Arabia
P.O. Box 59565, Riyadh 11535, Saudi Arabia
Taken
from the Author’s book “The Message Of Islam”.
The
Islamic Law has introduced and propagated a cluster of public ethics. At the
same time, it warned of failure to strictly abide by it, as this will entail
punishment in the Hereafter. Imam Muslim narrated that the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Do you know who is the bankrupt?” They answered:
A bankrupt among us is the person who has neither money nor property. The
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “The bankrupt in my nation is the one who comes on
the Day of Resurrection with prayer, zakat and fasting, yet he used to insult,
slander, slay and beat others. Thus claimants are rewarded according to their
good deeds. If one’s good deeds are gone, he is punished for his ill deeds
until he is thrown into Hell.”
1- Dining Ethics:
1.
Start eating with the name of Allah
(Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem) and conclude with praising and thanking Allah (Al-Hamdu
Lillahi Rabbil-Aalameen). Eat from the nearest side of the dish to you and use
your right hand, because the left hand is generally used for cleaning dirt.
Bukhari and
Muslim narrated on the authority of ‘Umar Ibn Abi Salamah, may Allah be
pleased with them, that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said to
him: “Mention the name of Allah, eat with your right hand and eat from the
nearest side of the dish.”
2. Never complain or
disapprove of food whatsoever.
Bukhari and
Muslim narrated on the authority of Abu Hurairah, may Allah be pleased with him,
that; “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, has
never found fault with any food. If he liked it, he would eat it, if not he
would just leave it.”
3. Avoid eating or
drinking to excess in the light of the Qur’anic words:
“Eat and
drink, but be not prodigal. Lo! He loves not the prodigals.” (The Qur'an, Al-Aaraf
7:31) And the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s words: “The son of
Adam (man) has never filled a vessel worse than his stomach. If there is no way
out, let there be a third for his meal, another for his drink and another for
his breath.” (Narrated by Ahmad)
4.
Never breath or blow into vessels. According
to Ibn Abbas the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“Forbade
breathing or blowing into the dish.” (Al Tirmidhi)
5. Eat with others, not
alone, since Allah’s Messenger says:
“Gather
around your food so that it may be blessed.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi)
6.
If you are invited to a meal and you take
somebody with you, you should seek permission for him. According to Abu Mas’ud
Al-Badri, may Allah be pleased with him, a man invited Allah’s The Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) to a meal along with four other people. A man
followed the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam). At the door, the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said
to the host:
“This man
has come with us: If you’permit, he will come in; if not he will go back.”
The host said: I give him my permission, O Allah’s Messenger.” (Bukhari and
Muslim)
2. Ethics of Seeking
Permission:
There are two
kinds of ethics: a.
Those relating to out-of-door formalities:
“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own without first
announcing your presence and invoking peace upon the folk thereof...” (The
Qur'aan, Chapter An-Nur, 24: 27) b. Those
relating to indoor formalities: “And when the children among you come to
puberty then let them ask permission even as those before them used to ask
it...” (Qur’an, Chapter An-Nur, 24: 59) This is all intended to keep
household secrets and protect the privacy of homes, as pointed out in the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s saying: “Asking permission is
intended for sight protection.” (Bukhari and Muslim) It is advisable not to
persist in asking permission: “You have to ask permission three times. If you
are not allowed in, go back.” (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)
3. Ethics of Greeting (Salam)
Islam has
encouraged the custom of greetings among the members of Society because it leads
to love and friendship. This is supported by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam) ’s Hadith: “You will never enter Paradise until you become
believers, and you will not become believers until you love each other. Shall I
guide you to something that makes you love each other? Spread greetings with
peace among you.” (Muslim) - Answering a greeting is obligatory: “When you
are greeted with a greeting, reply with a better one or return it...” (The
Qur’an, Chapter An-Nisa’a, 4: 86)
Islam
has also explained obligations in matters of greeting priorities. According to
the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “A rider should greet a
pedestrian, a pedestrian should greet him who is seated, and a small number of
people should greet a bigger number.” (Narrated by both Bukhari and M) In one
narration by Bukhari, it is added: A little or young person should greet an
older one).
4.
Ethics of Sitting:
1. Greet
attendants of the meeting or gathering. It is stated by Allah’s Messenger,
peace and blessings of Allah be upon him: “If one comes to a meeting he should
say: Assalamu Alaykum! (I.e. Peace be upon you!) And on leaving he should do the
same, for the first greeting is not more important than latter.” (Abu Dawud
and Tirmidhi)
2. It is not appropriate
to ask someone to leave his sitting place for someone else: “Never should
anyone of you make someone rise from his place and sit in his place; rather,
make more room for others to sit.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
3.
“If someone leaves his sitting place then
returns to it, he will have more right to it”, as stated by the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), peace and blessings of Allah be upon him.”
(Muslim)
4. Never
separate two persons sitting: “It is not permissible for a man to separate two
men (by inserting himself sitting between them) unless they give permission.”
(Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi)
5. Never talk to a friend
privately in the presence of a third person: “If there are three of you, never
should two of them talk without the third until you mix with other people, for
this would grieve the third.” (Bukhari)
6.
Never sit in the middle of a circle or group of people: “Damned is he who sits
in the middle of a sitting group.” (Abu Dawud)
7. Leave space for others
to sit: “O you who believe! When it is said, make room in assemblies, then
make room; Allah will make way for you (hereafter). And when it is said, come up
higher! Go up higher; Allah will exalt those who believe among you, and those
who have knowledge, to high ranks. Allah is Well-Aware of what you do.” (The
Qur’an, Chapter Al-Mujadalah, 58: 11)
8.
It is desirable to suppress yawning as far as
possible as it is a sign of laziness: “Yawning is from Satan, so when one of
you yawns let him try to repel it as far as possible, for if one utters
‘Ha!’ (When yawning) the devil will laugh at him.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
9. About sneezing, the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) says: “If one of you sneezes, let him
say: Praise be to Allah! And his Muslim brother should say to him: May Allah
have mercy on you! upon which he answers: May Allah guide you and make you
well.” (Bukhari) It is also advisable for a person, as stated by Allah’s
Messenger on the authority of Abu Hurairah, “on sneezing, to cover his mouth
with his hand or garment and suppress his voice.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi)
10. Avoid belching
while sitting in the presence of others. According to Ibn Umar, may Allah be
pleased with him and his father, one man belched in the presence of Allah’s
Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, upon which the Messenger
said to him: “stop belching, The biggest eaters in this worldly life will be
the hungriest in the Hereafter.” (Tirmidhi Bin Majah)
11.
The assembly should not be busy with
nonsense or void of the remembrance of Allah and useful discussions of worldly
and religious affairs. Allah’s messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him, said in this connection: “Any people who rise from an assembly in which
the name of Allah is not mentioned are like those who rise from around a
donkey’s carrion, and the assembly will be a source of sorrow for them.”
(Abu Dawud)
12.
A person should not face those sitting with
him with what they dislike.
5.
Ethics of Gathering:
Islam
respects the feeling of people who gather at a place to make gathering desirable
and repel all that causes people to hate gathering. Therefore, Islam instructs
its followers to be clean-bodied, with no bad smell, and clean-dressed, with no
disgusting sights. It also instructs them to listen to the speaker without
interrupting him and to sit where they find room without stepping over
people’s necks or causing them any inconvenience by pressing against them.
This is supported by the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s saying
while addressing Muslims during Friday sermon: “Whoever has a bath on Friday,
puts on the best of his clothes, puts some scent on if any, then attends Friday
prayer without crossing over people’s necks and performs whatever rak’as he
could, then keeps quiet when the Imam mounts the pulpit until he concludes
prayer, his prayer will be an atonement for the whole week preceding that
prayer”. (Abu Dawud).
6. Etiquette of
Conversation:
1.
Listen to the speaker without interrupting
him until he finishes talking. In his speech during the Farewell Pilgrimage,
Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said, “Ask
people to keep quiet.” (Bukhari and Muslim).
2.
Talk clearly so that the listener may understand you. Ayeshah, the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s wife, said: “The Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s words were so clear-cut that everyone
could understand them.” (Abu Dawud)
3.
Cheer up and speak pleasantly. This is in accordance with the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s Hadith: “Do not underestimate any kind
of acts, even to receive your brother cheerfully.” (Muslim), and his other
Hadith: “A good word is an act of kindness.” (Bukhari and Muslim). Al-Hussain,
may Allah be pleased with him, said: “I asked my Father about the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s behavior among his companions”, to which
he answered: “He was always cheerful, easy mannered and lenient. He was not
rough, noisy, vulgar, insulting, or miserly. He used to overlook what he
dislikes without depriving others of hope or answering them negatively. He
refrained from disputation, prattling and curiosity. He spared others from three
things: He never censured, found fault with or spied on them. He spoke only what
he hoped would be rewarded. When he spoke, his listeners lowered their head
quietly and when he was silent they spoke. They never spoke haphazardly in front
of him. If one talked in his presence they listened to him until he had
finished. He used to laugh and wonder at what they laughed or wondered at. He
was patient with strangers who were rude in both their talk and requests.”
7. Etiquette of
Joking:
1. Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said to his
companion Hanzala, who thought that life should be free from fun and
entertainment and that he committed hypocrisy when he played and jested with his
wife and children: “But, Hanzala, refresh your heart from time to time.”
(Muslim). Here the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) explained to the man
that permissible fun and self-refreshment is desirable for the human soul to
regain its activity and liveliness. He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him, also taught them the rules of conduct as regards joking, when asked about
his joking with them, by saying: “Yes, but I speak truthfully.” (Tirmidhi).
2. Once
an old woman came to him and said: O Messenger of Allah, pray to Allah for me to
be admitted into Paradise. He said: "No old woman will be admitted into
Paradise. On hearing this she went away crying. He said: Tell her that she
won’t be an old woman when she goes into Paradise. Allah, the Exalted, says:
“Lo! We have created them a (new) creation and made them virgins, lovers,
friends.” (Qur’an, Chapter Al-Qamar, 54: 35-37)
3.
Allah’s Messenger’s jokes were not
limited to words, they included acts as well. Anas Ibn Malik, may Allah be
pleased with him, said, “A bedouin called Zaher used to bring presents from
the desert to the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) and the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) used also to supply him with provisions on
leaving. He said about him: “Zaher is our ‘desert’ and we are his
‘city’. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) loved him, though he
was ugly-faced. One day, the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) came to
him while he was selling some goods. He hugged him from the back unawares. Zaher
said: “Release me.” Then he looked behind him and recognized the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), so he pressed his back against the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s chest. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi
wa sallam) called out: “Who purchases this slave?” Zaher said: “O
Messenger of Allah, You will find me not sellable”. The Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) answered: “But to Allah, you are not unsalable, or he
said: To Allah, you are so dear”. (Tirmidhi)
4.
A joke should not involve any hurt or insult
to any Muslim. Allah’s Messenger said: “No Muslim is allowed to scare
another Muslim.” (Abu Dawud) He also said: “Nobody should take (Muslim)
brother’s belongings.” (Abu Dawud and Tirmidhi)
5.
Joking should not drive a
Muslim to lie in order to make others laugh; this is understood from the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s words: “Woe to him who lies when
speaking to make people laugh. Woe to him! Woe to him!”
8. Etiquette of Condolence:
1. Condolence
has been prescribed to console the dead person’s family, relieve their sorrows
and alleviate their distress. Allah’s Messenger said: “A believer who
condoles with his brother on a bereavement will be dressed by Allah in the robes
of honor and glory on the Day of Resurrection”
2. There
is no specific formula for condolence. However, Imam Shafi’i recommended the
expression: “May Allah magnify your reward, give you solace and forgive your
deceased one.”
3.
It is desirable to prepare food for the
family of the deceased as is clear from the following Hadith: “Make food for
Ja’afar’s family as they are distracted by the event.”
9. Etiquette
of Sleeping:
1. Mention
the name of Allah: “Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem” and lie on your right side
in accordance with the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s words to
Al-Baraa bin Azeb: “If you want to go to bed, perform ablution as that for
prayer, then lie down on your right side, and say: O Allah! I submit myself to
You, and turn my face towards You, and confide my cause unto You, and take
refuge in You, out of love and fear of You. There is no refuge or escape from
You except in You. I believe in Your Book, which You have revealed and Your
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam), whom You have sent as Messenger.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)
2.
“Do not sit late at night and do your best
to sleep early unless there is some need or necessity. It is narrated that the
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) disliked sleeping before Isha’
(evening) Prayer and (sitting and) talking after it.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
3. Do
not sleep on your belly, as this was prohibited by the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam): “Such manner of lying down is disliked by Allah.” (Abu
Dawud)
4. Make
sure there is nothing that hurts you at your bed, as recommended by the gracious
The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) : “When one of you goes to bed,
he should clear his bed with part of his loincloth as he does not know what is
lying inside after he has left it, and let him say”: Allahumma bika wada’tu
janbi, wabika arfauh. Allahumma in amsakta nafsi faghfir laha, wa in arsaltaha
fahfazha bima tahfazu bihi ibadakas-Salihan. (O Allah! With Your name I have
lain on my side, and with Your name I raise it. O Allah! If You hold my soul
(i.e. take my life), then have mercy on it, and if You return it, then protect
it with what You protect Your pious servants) (Bukhari and Muslim)
5. Take
care and ward off the sources of danger. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa
sallam) said: “This fire is an enemy to you, so when you want to sleep put it
off”. (Bukhari)
10. Etiquette of Marital Sexual Relations:
1.
It is desirable, before cohabitation
with one’s wife or husband to mention the name of Allah. “When one of you
cohabits with his wife, if he says, ‘In the name of , O Allah! Keep us away
from Satan, and keep Satan away from (the offspring) that you may grant us,’
and then if a child is born out of this union, Satan will have no access to hurt
that child.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
2.
Private relations between husband and wife
must be kept secret, as stated in the following Hadith: “The worst in position
of all people in the estimation of Allah on the Day of Resurrection will be the
man who cohabits with his wife or the woman who cohabits with her husband, then
either of them divulges the secret of his mate.”
(Muslim)
3. Allah’s
Messenger recommended love-play, flirtation and kissing prior to sexual
intercourse as evidenced by his words to one of his companions: “Don’t make
love with her unless she has had the same degree of sexual appetite as you so
that you do not discharge before her.” He asked: Should I do this? The Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said;
“Yes, you kiss, caress and touch her until you find that she has the same
degree of erotic urge and excitement as you, then make love with her”. (Imam
Ahmad)
4. Husband
should not pull out his penis from her vagina until she has finished.
11. Etiquette of Traveling:
1. Return
trusts to their owners, settle grievances and debts, and leave for your family
sufficient provisions. Never travel alone except in cases of emergency when you
find no company. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “One passenger is one devil, two
passengers are two devils, but three passengers make a caravan.”
(Abu Dawud, Nasa’i and Tirmidhi)
2.
On
traveling, choose good company and select one of you as your leader. The Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“When three people set out on a journey they should appoint one of them as a
leader.´ (Abu Dawud)
3. You
should inform your family of the time of your arrival back to them. Do not
return home at night as this is undesirable so that you should not see anything
that you dislikes. The Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “If one
of you is absent from home for a long time, he should not come back to his
family by night”. In another version of the Hadith, the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) prohibited a
man returning home by night. (Bukhari and Muslim)
4.
He should say goodbye to his family, friends
and companions, as the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)
said: “If one of you intends to set out on a journey, let him say
goodbye to his brothers, for Allah Almighty will make in their prayers a
blessing for him.”
5. He
should return home quickly after he achieve the objective of his journey. The
Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Travel is a piece of anguish
as it deprives each traveler (of you) of the facilities of eating, drinking and
sleeping. Therefore, when one of you has completed the purpose of his journey he
should return home quickly.” (Bukhari and Muslim)
12. Conduct in the Market:
1.
Among
the rules of behavior in the market are those included in the Prophet
(sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam)’ s words when he said: “Refrain from
sitting in the streets.” The Companions said: “O Messenger of Allah, we have
no alternative, there is no other place where we can sit and discuss matters.”
Allah’s Messenger, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said: “If it is
so, then in that case, discharge your responsibilities due to the street.”
2.
The
Companions asked as to what was due to the street. He said: “Keeping your eyes
down, clearing the streets of obstacles, responding to Salam greetings,
enjoining virtuous deeds and forbidding evil.” (Bukhari and Muslim). In
another narration he added: “Helping the aggrieved and guiding the
aberrant.” (Abu Dawud)
He also said:
“Beware of two cursed practices.” His Companions asked: What are the two
cursed practices? He, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, answered: “A
person answering the call of nature in a public thoroughfare or in a shady place
(where people rest).” (Muslim)
3.
A passer-by should refrain from carrying
harmful weapons or devices, as enjoined by the Gracious Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) who said:.
“When any one of you happens to move in our
mosque or bazaar with an arrow (in his hand) he must grasp its pointed head in
his palm, so that none amongst the Muslims should receive any injury from it.”
(Bukhari and Muslim)
13. Etiquette of Buying and Selling
1.
In principle, selling is lawful in Islam
because it is based on exchange of benefits between the salesman and the
purchaser. However, in case any harm occurs to either party, the dealing becomes
unlawful based on the following verse: “O you who believe! Squander not your
wealth among yourselves in vanity.” (The Qur'aan, Chapter An-Nisa’a, 4: 29)
2.
It is also based on the Holy Messenger’s Hadith, when he happened to pass by a
heap of eatables (corn). He thrust his hand in that heap and his fingers were
moistened. He said to the owner of that heap: “What is this?” He replied:
“Messenger of Allah, these have been drenched by rainfall”. He (the Prophet,
sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) remarked: “Why did you not place this (the
drenched part of the heap) on top so that people could see it? He who deceives
is not of me (i.e. not my follower).” (Muslim)
3. Truthfulness
and clear description (of defects, if any) is required in accordance with the
Holy Messenger’s saying: “Both parties in a business transaction have the
right to annul it as long as they have not separated. Thus, if they speak the
truth and make everything clear they will be blessed in their transaction; but
if they tell a lie and conceal anything, the blessing their transaction will be
blotted out." (Bukhari and Muslim)
4. Benevolence
and fair dealing is also recommended in business, since this is a means of
strengthening seller-buyer relations as pointed out by Allah’s messenger,
peace and blessings of Allah be upon him: “May Allah have mercy on a person
who is easy and courteous when he sells, buys or asks for the payment of his
dues.” (Bukhari) That is because Islam wants this ease of dealing and
tolerance in matters of selling and buying to save people from panting for
material interests that undermine brotherly and human relations.
5. Avoid
swearing oaths when selling, in compliance with the Prophet (sallallahu
‘alayhi wa sallam) ’s instruction: “Avoid too much swearing while selling
(your goods), for in the beginning it promotes business and then it brings all
loss.” (Muslim)
The above are
some of the Islamic Etiquette and ethics, and there are many others that would
take a very long time to explain. Nevertheless, it would suffice here to remind
that no human affair, private or public, goes without Qur’anic or the
Prophetic instruction or guidance that defines or regulates it.
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